


Headed Home

by Pineprin137



Category: Original Work
Genre: Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Other, Silent Treatment, at first, both ways
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-15
Updated: 2018-10-15
Packaged: 2019-08-02 08:49:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16301954
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pineprin137/pseuds/Pineprin137
Summary: I wanted to write something else, but this is what came out. So here it is in all of its angsty glory.Hopefully, it turned out okay.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to write something else, but this is what came out. So here it is in all of its angsty glory. 
> 
> Hopefully, it turned out okay.

Ethan gripped the steering wheel a bit tighter and ignored the eye roll coming from the passenger seat. It had been a long day and the last thing he wanted was to be stuck in the car during an argument. Jessie had started to push his buttons as soon as they were on the road. She took advantage of no escape and forced him to address his least favorite issue. His wasn’t even sure why there were having this conversation without Jake. He should be here. But then again, Jake was much more willing to talk about all the emotional shit. It wasn’t necessarily that Ethan didn’t want to, just that he didn’t know how. Jess and Jake were always open and honest, but Ethan always held back just a little. He wouldn’t let them in all the way. He was too...afraid. What if he told them how he felt about all this or how scared he was and then they left him? He couldn’t lose them. He had very few things in his life that convinced him to keep going and they were right at the top of the list.  


Now it just kept running through his head, all the things he should have said versus what actually came out of his mouth. He hadn’t really meant it, but she kept pushing and Jake wasn’t here to referee this time. So instead of taking a breather and sorting through his thoughts, he just reacted...badly. He got defensive, he yelled, he threw her insecurities back at her in the most painful way. Now she was just sitting there, fuming. She was pissed and she was hurt. Ethan was well aware that he should apologize, but he was afraid of what else he might say. They still had an hour left on the road and he didn’t want to make it any worse.  


Jessie had been upset, sure, but now the anger was fading and all she was left with was regret. She shouldn’t have pushed Ethan on the subject when he obviously was distressed by it. She just wished he would talk with her like he did with Jake. It wasn’t fair that he only confided in one of his partners. Didn’t he understand how much that hurt? Or maybe he does. Maybe he knows how it hurts her, but he doesn’t know how to trust her or he doesn't care. If there was anyone who didn’t deserve Ethan’s trust, it was her. She was the one who took off without telling him. She broke his heart and even though Jake had easily forgiven her, Ethan was holding back. He didn’t tell her things; he kept secrets from her, not Jake. Jake knew that Ethan got the job at the advertising firm. He hadn’t found out when the proud big brother called to congratulate him. No, Jake knew and he hadn’t told Jessie at all. No hints or anything.  


She glanced over and wished that Ethan would meet her gaze. She wanted him to see the hurt in her eyes, but she also desperately wanted to soothe his fears. But she couldn’t until he told her what he was afraid of. What was keeping him from moving forward with her and Jake?  
He was tense in his seat. His jaw was clenched and he was hyper-focused on the empty road in front of them. Her fingers curled against her jeans; she wanted so badly to hold his hand or rest hers on his thigh. She wanted to comfort him and assure him, but she was too afraid he would push her away.


	2. Chapter 2

She turned towards the window. Now she wasn’t even going to look at him? Maybe that was for the best. He just couldn’t give her what she wanted. Not tonight. Not stuck in this stupid rental. He was already on edge from the interview earlier in the week and the dinner with her parents. He wished that Jake was here. He would know what to say. He would know what they said that set the other off. He would smack Ethan on the back of his head and sigh at Jessie before telling them they were both idiots. He would ask “what the hell would you two do without me?” Jake was probably right though. If he wasn’t there, Ethan and Jessie would have torn each other apart on day one. He wouldn’t be in this car with her, after dinner with her judgmental family, getting the silent treatment,  _ giving _ the silent treatment. He wouldn’t have made it through last year if he didn’t have Jake. He wouldn’t even be here… 

Jessie heard Ethan start to pant; it was like he couldn’t get enough air. His eyes were wide and his face was pale. She started to reach for him, but he steered the car onto the shoulder before she could. She watched as he opened the door and set his feet on the gravel. His body was shaking and she heard him gasp as he struggled to breathe. She unbuckled her seatbelt and got out of the car. 

She hesitated in front of the headlights, wondering if he would want her there or if he would refuse her help. Taking a deep breath she made her way to his side and knelt down in front of him. She called softly to him but wasn’t surprised when she didn’t get an answer. He didn’t usually respond to any verbal stimulation during an attack, and it was typically Jake who helped him through it. What would Jake do? God, Jessie felt so helpless; she had no idea what to do even though she knew she needed to do something…

He wanted Jake. He wanted Jake’s arms around him, telling him to breathe.  _ Match my breath, Ethan. Feel that? Deep breaths, now. You can do it. Just breathe with me. _ But Jake wasn’t here; he was alone and scared. He could feel his hands shaking against his jeans. He felt the moisture running down his cheeks. He felt the churning in his stomach. He wanted Jake…

Jessie watched Ethan fall apart. What else could she do? What if she did the wrong thing? What if she made him worse? What if… 

He just wanted to breathe! He needed air, but he couldn’t remember how to get oxygen into his lungs. He wanted...he needed…

She startled when she felt a hand grab her shirt. Jessie froze in place, not wanting to upset Ethan further. Her hands were shaking, she realized. She was probably as much a mess as he was right now. But was asking for her help and she needed to try. 

He tried to focus on the cloth in his fist. He was supposed to find something...five something...but he couldn’t remember and he was starting to feel sick. He just wanted to breathe. He thought he heard a voice, but he was alone, wasn’t he? Jake wasn’t here and Jessie left. Jessie had left him. She hadn’t even said …

_ I’m right here. Ethan? Baby? You’re not alone, okay? I’m right here. I’m right here. Shit. I don’t know what to do. I want to help you and I don’t know how. Ethan? Ethan, can you hear me?  _

Jessie came back? No. No, that couldn’t be right. She left because everyone leaves. 

Jessie was starting to really worry. He had started to cough and his grip on her shirt was so tight she expected the flimsy t-shirt to tear any second now.  She needed to find a way through the panic so he could hear her. She needed some way to shock him back to reality. If she didn’t find something quick, he was either going to get sick or pass out. 

_ Ethan, I need to listen to me. Okay? I know that you want Jake. I want him too. But I’m what you’ve got. I need you to breathe, baby. Breathe. Ethan?  _

It was Jessie. She was here. He was with her. He could feel her breath in his hair. He could feel her t-shirt in his fist. It was the pink one with the angel wings on it. She had worn it to spite her overly religious family. It was soft under his fingers. 

_ That’s right, baby. The pink one. My mother hates it, but Jake says it hugs all my curves. It’s soft? Yeah, yeah it is.  _

 Ethan kept his eyes clenched shut, but lifted his other hand off of his stomach and laid it against her cheek. He traced her lips and dragged his fingers along her jaw, down her throat. At her neckline, his hand was caught. He focused on the gentle hand covering his. Her hands were smaller than his by quite a lot. Didn’t match his like Jake’s did. It was okay though; he adjusted his grip and slid his fingers between hers. He wasn’t alone. He was okay. He felt her pulse against his palm and listened to her breathe. 

Jessie was shocked when he interlaced their fingers. She could hear his breathing start to slow and wanted to release a sigh of relief, but held back. She didn’t know if anything would set him off again. She let him do what he needed. 

Ethan hadn’t lifted his head up yet, but he did pull Jessie toward him. He was sure she wasn’t comfortable kneeling on the ground, but he didn’t think he could stand. So instead he tried to show her how grateful he was, how much he loved her. She settled between his legs with her head against his shoulder. She didn’t wrap her arms around him, and he tensed just slightly. 

She felt him go stiff as she leaned against him and froze. Then she realized that the hand that wasn’t in his was simply hanging against her side. She carefully slid her arm around his side until she felt him relax. She felt Ethan’s lips against her hair and melted against him. She pushed even closer to him and blinked away the tears threatening to fall.  _ Hey. Shhh. It’s okay. I’m okay, Jess. Okay? I’m okay... we’re okay.  _

Ethan felt her tears against his shirt. This was her first time alone with him while he had an anxiety attack. Every other time Jake or his brother had been there with her. She was probably pretty freaked out. He wanted to comfort her, but he was feeling rather tired. Exhaustion always hit him hard afterward. He kept his nose in her hair and his hands on her back. He wanted to stay right here. He wanted to believe that Jessie would stay; that she wouldn’t leave again. Instead, he gently eased her away from him and gave her a small smile when he was met with reluctance. 

Jessie felt a little embarrassed when she tried to cling onto Ethan. She felt the blush on her cheeks, and managed a self-deprecating laugh. She climbed to her feet and started to turn away when Ethan caught her hand. She glanced back at him and saw his cheeks were as rosy as hers.  __ He gestured to the steering wheel and then stood up next to her. _Would you mind? I’m kind of tired._

Ethan watched Jessie give a small shake of her head and he bent to kiss her on the cheek before moving around the car and getting in on the other side. They still had a lot to work on. They needed to speak with Jake about tonight and talk about the moving-in topic again; this time with all of them present. Ethan still needed to learn to let them know how he was feeling. Jessie still needed to understand that Ethan needed time to fully forgive her. Maybe Jake needed to accept that sometimes Jessie and Ethan needed to work through things the hard way. But as she eased the car back on the road, he felt like maybe they were finally heading in the right direction. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought about adding another chapter about when they get home and maybe the conversation with Jake, but I'm pretty happy with how it turned out. Comments are always welcome.


End file.
